Post-Undergrad I participated in an education program and got my master’s degree. Getting a degree in education allows for some pretty creative people to lift rocks that we otherwise wouldn’t recognize or think to peer beneath and show you the undersides and tiny nooks of human thinking–such is an integral skill for one pursuing to develop other humans. One teacher in particular had us write ourselves a letter the summer before we started teaching that she would later mail to us once we had begun our first year. Months later I got a letter in the mail with an unknown return address and my handwriting on the front. I had been frazzled the day that I wrote it and had very much been a begrudging participant–but I wrote one none-the-less and here it was in my hands…and surprisingly poignant. Fast forward two years later to a couple days after I graduated from the program. I repeated the exercise and wrote it for my future self, not knowing where I would be or when I would read it again. A year and a half later I find myself post-career shift, preparing for a road trip with family, and my aunt tells me she found my letter…”what letter?” I had completely forgotten about the letter and still don’t remember writing it but have the evidence of my efforts here. Again, it is surprisingly relevant and marks encouraging growth and progress in the last year and a half.
Written 7/3/11, Found 1/4/13:
I hope you aren’t afraid. Where are you? And from where have you come? Have you stopped dreaming? When you wrote this letter you were on fire to dance again finally. School just ended a couple days ago and you had the flu. You escaped the city to Jersey to sleep and rest and reset with family. Grandpa sent Uncle Bob and Lisa old family videos and you found your four year old self–dancing–and so confident. Ready to try , ready to fall (which you did and laughed it off). You can’t be afraid anymore. God did not create you to be afraid–even your four year old self had profound courage and fearlessness.
Art is a constant state of raw vulnerability and nakedness–being an artist means bearing your soul and doing so to glorify the Lord. No eyes matter but the eyes of the Maker and so be bared before Him who made you free from shame or doubt. He loves you–He crafted you. He bared a part of Himself in creating you (you are part of His soul).
Stop letting what other people see or think halt you. Stop slipping into that comatose complacency. Go bigger and stop letting the enemy ravage you. Keep a handle on that thought life.
You can. Yes you can. Anything. Quit being difficult.
You just finished a monumental feat–be proud and be fearless. Don’t attach too much clout to anything to let it overwhelm you; that is when you don’t do it and you are back at a state of fruitlessness. Relax and just do it.
Eat better. Save money. Exercise. Write. Dance. Pray without ceasing.
“Blessed is she who believes that what the Lord has promised her shall come to pass.” Luke 1:45
” There is…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes 3:4
Much of this I’ve done and am excited to see how far I’ve come. When we set personal goals and write down our revelations, it is remarkable to reflect upon those changes and truly see how far the Lord will bring us. Every good and perfect gift is from Him (James) and He is faithful to forever do a new thing within us (Isaiah).
Write your goals, write your faults, and write your requests unto the Lord for breakthroughs and change. You will have tangible evidence of His faithfulness.
I hope you can keep organized. I hope [you] get a job. You need to have more motivation. Don’t lose your love for the kids. This has been hard. Don’t forget what God has for you. You are His. The students you teach are His. People suck. Be organized. Don’t let the world break your spirit and don’t succumb to the belief that you’re stupid. Just try harder and do everything for Him.